SATAN

Father Sullivan was ministering to a man on his deathbed.

"Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan.

"No," said the dying man.

"I say, renounce the devil and his works!"

"No," the man repeats.

"And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?" asks Father Sullivan.

"Because," said the dying man, "I want to wait until I see where I'm
heading before I start annoying anybody."

THE MISSIONARY

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to
live with a tribe there. 

He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write 
and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he 
particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. 

Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!! 

One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to 
a white child.  

The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to 
talk with the  missionary. 

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a 
black woman gives  birth to a white child. You are the only white 
man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a 
genius to work out what has been going on!" 

The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. 
What you have  here is a natural occurance - what is called an 
albino.  Look to thy yonder field.  See a field of white sheep, 
and yet amongst them is one black one.  Nature does this on 
occasion." 

The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you keep 
quiet about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child"

In The Beginning

The account of man's creation in the book of Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage that many accept as actual historic fact the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam's ribs.

Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries; last week, at a dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists have uncovered ancient, original texts that pre-date these writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their account of life's beginnings on earth are much more scientifically plausible...

"... and God created Woman, giving her three breasts to succor her young".

And God spoke, saying to her, "I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer the only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer differently? "

And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters; I do not need but two breasts."

And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with wisdom." There was a crack and a lingering odor of ozone, and it was done, and Woman stood holding her third breast in her hand.

"Now just what am I going to do with this useless boob?" Woman exclaimed.

And so it was, God created Man.